So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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