my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
