awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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