Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
