Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
