We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
