Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
