ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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