Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
