dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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