im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
