I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
