Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
