Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
