you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize