Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize