we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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