So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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