I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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