i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
