HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
