Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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