im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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