I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
