That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
