Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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