i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
