today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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