everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
