I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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