I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
