standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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