Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
