I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think people are normalizing furries
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
