At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
