I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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