just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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