Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize