So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
