he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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