i barfeds in our rink
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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