I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
