Jerry, you need to find god
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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