Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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