I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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