honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize