Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
