my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
