oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
