So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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