There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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