saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
