She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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