remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
