he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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