I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize