I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
