The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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