wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
