you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
