how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
