Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and she was petting her beer can
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
