Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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