His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
