My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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