Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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